For my personal study, it’s important that I choose to focus on something that I can explore in a vast way and come up with multiple different concepts for whilst also making it meaningful. I want to make this a study of internal reflection, with my own views and perceptions of life/ the world so that my work can be interpretive to others and subjective. I would like to shy away from more documentary photography showing realism and look for more abstract scenes or ideas as I want to be able to tell a true story that is manipulated so that the viewer of my work can perceive it in their own way and apply it into a different context that I hadn’t intended.

As this is the first time I have had to come up with a personal study entirely on my own, I want to make this body of work different from my other photoshoots that I have done as this is now going to include an element of privacy and a sense of vulnerability in my work. Now that we have done a short-term study on Mirrors and Windows, I can use my knowledge of this to determine what kind of concepts I want within my work to define the story, allowing me to choose a more subjective internal tone in my personal study. However, my work doesn’t particularly have a staged or fictional aspect to it in the form of tableaux photography as what I am demonstrating is a truthful, raw and real story.

INTENTION:

The intent within my personal study is going to be about the difficulties and struggles of growing up with a family member who, over time, deteriorates from gaining a mental illness. Specifically, the illness that I would like to represent is Bipolar disorder, something that can occur over time for a multitude of reasons, for example a neurological change within the brain. I think this concept will be very powerful within my work as it will be able to curate a narrative that develops throughout my final piece, as well as convey many emotions to the viewer through obscure metaphors and symbolism. As well as this, I find that creating an outlet where issues concerning mental health issues, such as photography, can be extremely progressive in removing stigma, shame or even helping to develop an understand about these kinds of things in society because they represent the reality behind the labels that people are given, as well as visually exhibiting every factor that comes along with this socially sensitive topic. Sometimes, the best way to educate about things, such as mental health is through visual art forms as it is easier to show the harsh reality behind it, as well as enabling people to communicate their own inner struggles through photography.

Bodies of work like this can begin to strike conversation about inner conflicts and battles in a form that allows the individual or people involved to express themselves in a way that words can’t describe. Mental health in men and boys, whilst slowly becoming more progressive and seen, is still stigmatised against due to phrases such as ‘Be a man’ for example. My work will be able to show that males do also suffer and the hands of these different illnesses and can be used as a form of awareness to show that this is reality, and that it truly is okay. Regardless, it also proves that things like this can happen to anyone, with them actively going through it or experiencing the second-hand repercussions of it every single day, proving that you never do know exactly what people are going through and that you must always be mindful of that.

My plan for this photoshoot is going to begin with going through old images of me and my brother and selecting ones that I think are the most appropriate for my final piece. I am going to photocopy these so that I can physically create something with them, whether that be burning selective pieces, using pen or painting over it. I think this will be very effective as it adds an element of art and graphic design into my work where I can then really get creative and use dynamic lines to tell a better story than the image could alone by itself. I will then photograph these images again so that I can put them onto the computer.

I am also going to go through many things that my parents have kept from me and my brother when we were younger, for example drawings or notes from childhood, so that I can also use these I my work because I would like to be able to highlight the way that mental health issues can completely take over and transform a person, being able to indicate that life wasn’t always like this and that these issues can develop, grow and fester so quickly out of nowhere that it occurs before your eyes before you realise. As this is something that has been occurring within my family life for a while now, being around 6-7 years, I think its not only incredibly important but that I owe it to myself to actively and clearly represent a difficult story that I have been part of that many people wouldn’t expect if I didn’t tell them, however this is something that affects millions of people on an day-to-day basis that makes it hard for them to cope with the demands of the world around them. This project is something I have thought about for a long time, knowing that this would be the topic I would like to focus on, because it is a part of me, and its a part of my family.

I gained the inspiration of using archived images such as family albums and distorting them from ‘Is that my blue butterfly?’ by Matthew Knapman, where he tears, scribbles, burns, bleeds, splatters ink, digitises and collages different images of his mother at a variety of ages and personal keepsakes of hers, in order to display the story of his mothers struggle with breast cancer, resulting in the loss of her life. I came across his personal study in the classroom when we began looking at what makes a personal study and deciding what grade boundaries we would give the one that we picked based off of their essay and their final piece. When I came across it, I instantly knew that I wanted to explore this theme of loss through different destructive methods as it will allow me to detail even further, the story that I intend to tell. Matthew Knapman gained inspiration from Jessa Fairbrother and Carolle Benitah, two artists who I plan to explore whilst also investigating the similar artists I can find and choosing whose work best correlates with my aim for my personal study, choosing who influences me the most.

I think one of the most important themes within my personal study is going to be nostalgia. The sentimental aspect behind my work, using old keepsakes from my childhood or archived images, is going to drive the story about the events that have occurred within my life that may have been unpleasant, but have shaped me as the person I am today, making it extremely important to tell this story in a clear yet respectful and truthful way. Alongside the theme of nostalgia comes a tone of grief, however, I want to convey the difficulty of grieving someone who is still here yet not the same person they one were or not who they are recalled to be. This sense of absence within my work is something I think will be very moving and striking, especially through the use of different art mediums, because not only will it make my work memorable and abstract, but it will be able to convey the multitude of emotions that I feel about the topic of mental health in regards to my brothers situation.