Analysis of “The Butler” by Sian Cumming
Link to the full book: https://www.blurb.com/books/6950946-the-butler
Does the essay address its hypothesis?
The hypothesis in this essay: “How does Phillip Ebeling and Peter Hugo express the notion of family history and relationships in their work?”
I think the essay does mostly address this hypothesis, but more the notion of relationships and general history than specifically family history. For example the student explores Peter Hugo’s images talking about socio-economic problems in South Africa, as well as a very poignant image of his pregnant wife, telling the story of his family. I think that this essay could have been improved more by linking the artists studied to her subject in the conclusion a little more.
Does it provide new knowledge and understanding?
To me this essay provides a lot of new knowledge and understanding. It explores history and context behind the artists used for inspiration very well, and provides the reader with new and intriguing historical elements. This links well to the historical work of the students book, where they have included archival material. This creates, I think, a well linked and well researched book.
Is the essay well structured with a sense of an introduction, paragraphs and a conclusion?
Yes – the essay features an introduction which talks through both photographers chosen: Phillip Ebeling and Peter Hugo, and how they each address the topic of home and family. The essay then goes on to talk about the first photographer, Peter Hugo, and his book “Kin”. The essay talks then about the context behind his work, and how it relates to her own work. The second paragraph focuses on the second photographer, Peter Ebeling, his work and social context behind his work. The links to social context and history in this essay I think are very good, and created and informative and interesting piece to read – they link well to the historical elements of the book the artist created, and the subject, her father and his job at Governement House.
Use and flow of language, prose, punctuation, spelling.
The essay flows generally well, with good links between the beginning and end of new paragraphs. There is a few spelling errors, one on the first page, which is a shame when you open the book. There are a few grammatical errors in the essay itself, which cause the essay to not flow as well at times. There are a couple of missed commas as well within the essay, which create quite long sentences. Overall the essay flows well, but it has a few errors which stop the flow a little.
Use of specialist vocabulary relating to art and photography.
The student has used some specialist vocabulary, however not much. I feel like their analysis could have been improved using more photographically technical vocabulary.
Analysis of artist’s oeuvre (body of work) and key work(s).
The student didn’t really analyse the artists’ work that much – she gives basic descriptions of them but doesn’t go into much detail except the social context of the images. However she did analyse her own work, archival images, in the end of the essay – this was slightly limited though, and lacked specialised vocabulary.
Evidence of wider reading with reference to art history/ theory, political discourse and/or socio-economical context.
There is evidence of wider research within the artists used for inspiration and the reasons behind their work. For example, Peter Hugo’s work in South Africa, and the social context behind his work – his experiences as a white south African, and how this influenced his life and work. The student explores this really well, including quotes from both artists. For example from Peter Hugo, on what he calls his work – “conflicting personal and collective narrative’. I think that, after looking at the photos in the book itself, the student used this in her own work as well.
Use of direct quotes, summary or commentary from others to make an informed and critical argument.
The student has used multiple quotes in this essay, which help to inform her arguments and provide context and evidence to the reader. Thry have used commentary and summary as well from both artists studied, which helps to show an informed argument.
Use of referencing system (eg. Harvard) and a bibliography.
In this essay, there is no referencing or bibliography. There is references to specific books but within the essay, and not in a separate part. To improve this essay, the student who did this essay and photo book could have included references and a bibliography.
Use of illustrations with captions listing name of artist, title of work and year of production.
There is a use of illustrations in this essay which have been referred to. However, they are not captioned, with the title of the work, artist or year of production. The year of production is referred to in the essay, but not captioned.
Overall marking for the essay
D – 6, B – 11, A – 14, A*-16.
Overall, I would give this essay 13/18, a B grade. – Level 5, confident and assured ability. “All descriptions for level 5 apply in addition to the level description below. Use of written communication and specialist terminology is confident and assured, and expresses ideas fluently.” The student was able to express their ideas fluently, using evidence from artists through images and quotations, as well as references to social context. However, the essay lacks specialised vocabulary, which is why I did not give the essay an A grade. The overall written communication in this essay was fluent and competent, but had a few grammar and spelling errors that stopped the flow of the essay at times – This is another reason why I didn’t feel this essay was A grade level. Overall I think the essay was good, and gave me new information and historical knowledge on her chosen topic, however I think it didn’t answer the hypothesis fully and could have had deeper analysis using technical vocabulary – the use of a referencing system and bibliography would have improved it too.