I conducted phone interviews with various family members, we discussed my granddad’s physical and mental state, this is to get other peoples point of view of his current situation and how this has affected them personally. I also discussed with them the change in my granddad and what they feel has significantly changed and also their favorite memory of my granddad before the stroke. I had  compiled several structured questions before conducting the interviews , which I asked all family members as well as asking questions in response to their answers to my original questions. His first stroke was in December 2006 and his second stroke was in January in 2008.

I also interviewed my granddad about how he felt about his current situation and how he himself feels it has changed his life. What he felt was the hardest part of his illness and how he feels about having to adapt his life.

These were the results of my interviews, I interviewed 5 people including my Granddad himself.  Of course I asked if this was okay and if they were happy to talk about this with me to then use this for my photography project and all agreed they were happy for me to do so.

My original questions were:

How do you feel the strokes have affected granddad, both physically and mentally?

What are your thoughts on his current situation?

How has this affected you personally?

What was your favourite memory of Granddad and how would you describe him before his strokes?

If you could have summed him up in one word what would it have been?

Results:

MY MUM- Elaine Sutcliffe (his daughter)

How do you feel the strokes have affected granddad, both physically and mentally?

Well, physically he is unable to drive anymore, he doesn’t read as much because of his poor eye sight and although mentally he is still sharp, he struggles with his speech.

What are your thoughts on his current situation?

I feel sorry for him, as he doesn’t live the life he used to. He used to enjoy walking the dog for miles every day and also enjoyed cooking. But can’t do any of these now.

How has this affected you personally?

It has affected me personally in that dad and I had to help financially to buy a bungalow as he couldn’t cope with stairs anymore. However, this was something I was more than happy to do as I knew this would help him and my mum.

What was your favourite memory of Granddad and how would you describe him before his strokes?

Christmas morning- making christmas special even as a  teenager and adult. Getting everyone to wait upstairs to wait to make sure santa had been and gone.

If you could have summed him up in one word what would it have been?

Hero

"HERO"

Physically he is unable to drive anymore, he doesn't read as much because of his poor eye sight and although mentally he is still sharp, he struggles with his speech. I feel sorry for him, as he doesn't live the life he used to. He used to enjoy walking the dog for miles every day and also enjoyed cooking. But can't do any of these now. 

It has affected me personally in that my husband and I had to help financially to buy a bungalow as he couldn't cope with stairs anymore. However, this was something I was more than happy to do as I knew this would help him and my mum.

I can always remember him making christmas mornings so special even as a  teenager and adult. Getting everyone to wait upstairs to wait to make sure santa had been and gone. That is one of my favourite memories.

(Small photo of Christmas)

MY UNCLE– Scott Jackson (his son)

How do you feel the strokes have affected granddad, both physically and mentally?

He struggles to walk long distances and is always in fear of falling, which makes him grip tightly onto banisters. Mentally, he is not as happy as he once was as he had to give up things he used to love.

What are your thoughts on his current situation?

I mean he would never moan about a thing but his current situation is upsetting to see as he is not the person he once was. He used to be the life and soul of the party.

How has this affected you personally?

I used to have a strong bond with my dad, all three of us did. He would always be laughing and joking, messing around. So I guess what I am trying to say is our relationship is a lot more serious and calm, the laughter is what I miss.

What was your favourite memory of Granddad and how would you describe him before his strokes?

My dad used to help run my junior football team, it was something I looked forward to every week and I enjoyed my dad supporting me as well as showing us new skills to use in the football game. He was always so active with all of us, we used to play in the snow in the winter and build snowmen, this is what comes to mind when I think of my childhood.

If you could have summed him up in one word what would it have been?

Legend

"LEGEND"

My dad struggles to walk long distances and is always in fear of falling, which makes him grip tightly onto banisters. Mentally, he is not as happy as he once was as he had to give up things he used to love. I mean he would never moan about a thing but his current situation is upsetting to see as he is not the person he once was. He used to be the life and soul of the party.

I used to have a strong bond with my dad, all three of us did. He would always be laughing and joking, messing around. So I guess our relationship is a lot more serious now after his strokes, the laughter is what I miss.

My dad used to help run my junior football team, it was something I looked forward to every week and I enjoyed my dad supporting me as well as showing us new skills to use in the football game. He was always so active with all of us, we used to play in the snow in the winter and build snowmen, this is what comes to mind when I think of my childhood.

(Small photo of him in the snow)

MY UNCLE- Graeme Jackson (his son)

How do you feel the strokes have affected granddad, both physically and mentally?

Mentally, he has given up. He does make me laugh because he’s been saying for years that he hasn’t got long left but will have reached 80 in a few weeks.

What are your thoughts on his current situation?

As I said before he’s given up, he is ready to go now even though everyone around him doesn’t want to let him go, he doesn’t want to be here anymore. I know he feels all my mum does is care for him and feels that has become her life.

How has this affected you personally?

I mean, its heartbreaking seeing him living the way he is, he can’t do anything he used to love doing and its devastating watching him deteriorate.

What was your favourite memory of Granddad and how would you describe him before his strokes?

My Favourite memory of my dad has got to be when he brought our childhood dog home, Bess. We begged for a dog for so long and this one day he came home with a dog, Bess was a huge part of his life and she brought the family a lot of happiness.

If you could have summed him up in one word what would it have been?

Brave

"BRAVE"

Mentally, he has given up. He does make me laugh because he's been saying for years that he hasn't got long left but will have reached eighty in a few weeks. But, he is ready to go now even though everyone around him doesn't want to let him go, he doesn't want to be here anymore. I know he feels all my mum does is care for him and feels that has become her life.

Its heartbreaking seeing him living the way he is, he can't do anything he used to love doing and its devastating watching him deteriorate.

My Favourite memory of my dad has got to be when he brought our childhood dog home, Bess. We begged for a dog for so long and this one day he came home with a dog, Bess was a huge part of his life and she brought the family a lot of happiness. 

(Small photo of him and bess)

MY GRAN- Andreina  Jackson (his wife)

How do you feel the strokes have affected granddad, both physically and mentally?

Oh gosh, it’s changed him dramatically! Physically he can hardly move or do anything for himself anymore, which is painful to witness as he used to be so independent. Mentally, he gets confused often and forgets a lot, which is something he would never have done before.

What are your thoughts on his current situation?

It’s hard to watch him fade away, I find it hard to talk to him about the past as I feel it upsets him to think about how he used to be and comparing it to how he is now. This shouldn’t have happened to my Jim, he is too good.

How has this affected you personally?

Personally, I have to care for him now, almost acting like his nurse and have been for almost 12 years. I don’t mind looking after him, but I feel like I have lost my freedom to do things for myself, without worrying about Jim.

What was your favourite memory of Granddad and how would you describe him before his strokes?

My favourite memory, umm there is so many! But it has to be our wedding definitely. Seeing my husband to be look at me with pure love, he looked gorgeous I can’t explain how excited I was to spend the rest of my life with this man. I was and still am in love with this man.

If you could have summed him up in one word what would it have been?

Precious

"PRECIOUS"

It's changed him dramatically! Physically he can hardly move or do anything for himself anymore, which is painful to witness as he used to be so independent. Mentally, he gets confused often and forgets a lot, which is something he would never have done before.It's hard to watch him fade away, I find it hard to talk to him about the past as I feel it upsets him to think about how he used to be and comparing it to how he is now. This shouldn't have happened to my Jim, he is too good. 

Personally, I have to care for him now, almost acting like his nurse and have been for almost 12 years. I don't mind looking after him, but I feel like I have lost my freedom to do things for myself, without worrying about Jim. 

My favourite memory, there is so many! But it has to be our wedding definitely. Seeing my husband to be look at me with pure love, he looked gorgeous I can't explain how excited I was to spend the rest of my life with this man. I was and still am in love with this man.

MY GRANDDAD- Jimmy Jackson

How do you feel the strokes have affected you, both physically and mentally?

Honestly, I can hardly move. I’m in so much pain all the time and this drains me mentally. I have my low days, where I wish it would all just go away but I’ve lived a great life and I can never forget that.

What would you say the hardest part of all of this has been?

The hardest part for me, would have to be losing my eye. It was taken out as I had lost sight in it and I had regular pain behind my eye socket. This was supposed to stop the pain but it didn’t… now I get infections in my eye, which is extremely painful. Not being able to see is sometimes terrifying.

I understand you have lost some aspects of your left, What do you miss the most?

I miss being independent, I used to do everything for myself and my family. This was when I was at my happiest. I miss being capable to do things for myself, now I don’t feel I am living, depending on Andreina, which is something I never really used to do.

What gets you through the hard times?

The fact I have a good life before all of this is what gets me through my hard times, having all the family support is overwhelming.

What made you so determined to walk, talk and feel again as you lost all of these after your second stroke?

I was determined to learn to walk,talk and feel again because I couldn’t live my life in a wheelchair. I was too independent to have all of that taken away from me. I am blessed to have been able to learn to do these basic things again as many give up and don’t have the motivation to do so. This motivation came from my family.

How do you feel about getting to 80?

I should have died a long time ago, the fact I have got to eighty is mind blowing but i’m ready to go now, I feel it is my time to go.

"I should have died a long time ago, the fact I have got to eighty is mind blowing but i'm ready to go now, I feel it is my time to go."

I can hardly move. I'm in so much pain all the time and this drains me mentally. I have my low days, where I wish it would all just go away but I've lived a great life and I can never forget that.

The hardest part for me, would have to be losing my eye. It was taken out as I had lost sight in it and I had regular pain behind my eye socket. This was supposed to stop the pain but it didn't... now I get infections in my eye, which is extremely painful. Not being able to see is sometimes terrifying. 

I miss being independent, I used to do everything for myself and my family. This was when I was at my happiest. I miss being capable to do things for myself, now I don't feel I am living, depending on Andreina, which is something I never really used to do. But, the fact I have a good life before all of this is what gets me through my hard times, having all the family support is overwhelming.

I was determined to learn to walk,talk and feel again when I lost the ability to do so because I couldn't live my life in a wheelchair. I was too independent to have all of that taken away from me. I am blessed to have been able to learn to do these basic things again as many give up and don't have the motivation to do so. This motivation came from my family.

These are to go along side a portrait of each of these family members to express what they think and feel about his illness. This will be presented in my final book. I also interviewed some of my cousins but they did not take the topic seriously and therefore, I did not use it. For these portraits, I will take them on a plain background- Making them all the same. A studio-based portrait is what I will be going for. They will be framed the same, just photographing the head and shoulders, keeping this consistent throughout each shoot. I will be exploring different angles of the subjects face to see what works and is successful in each portrait.

The purpose for producing these final images, was to present them in an exhibition, which will be taking place at The Jersey Arts Centre on the 27th of November. The exhibition is entitled ‘Constructed Realities’,  The intention of the exhibition is to:

“Bring together work by Hautlieu School A-Level Photography students including their responses to a series of inspirational workshops, masterclasses and lectures delivered by Archisle International Photographers in Residence 2017 Tanja Deman and Jonny Briggs. The classes have been hosted by Hautlieu School in partnership with the Archisle educational programme and represent a range of multi-media creative outcomes inspired by the themes of family and environment.”

I have been using the last month of my studies to construct my own personal study surrounding the ideas of loss in my Granddad’s life and also planning the photoshoots I will undertake in Scotland- which will be more recent and documentary style photographs . In my previous blog posts, I have given a justification of what my project is about, as well as its purpose.

The project is kick-started by my granddad’s first stroke, which then branches out to a much wider topic of loss – loss in that things lost in my Granddad’s life such as family members and friends but also the lost person my granddad as become. He is different to how he used to be and this is due to the strokes. From a stroke, I have experienced a conflict of knowing who he used to be and who he is now and I have had great difficulty not comparing the two version. From the stroke I have had to build a different and more serious relationship with my Granddad, which conflicts with the fun-loving relationship we had before this.  It was hard for me and the family to let the old him go, honestly I don’t think I ever can.

However, this narrative is not yet constructed enough to tell a cohesive story as I have not been working on it for a long enough for people to understand the concepts and meaning behind the project as my main part of my project is not yet been conducted, which means the audience can connect with this. When I have conducted this part of my product which will be done in a time period of 2 weeks I am hoping it all comes together and people start to understand my ideas.

However, explaining this series of work will be done more concisely and poetically in my artist statement which will be present at the exhibition for my audience to get an idea of what the work is.

When I had chosen the images I wanted to use for the exhibition I printed them out to arrange them in a format, to show how I wanted it to be set up on the exhibition wall. I first did this on a white background so I could experiment with the layout before making a final decision. These were my 3 layouts I liked the most:

I went for this layout and so then designed this in photoshop to make a digital version of the layout.

Here is my artist statement which will go alongside my series of work at the exhibition. I have been as descriptive as possible in order for my audience to get not only a cohesive visual narrative of this series but also a text driven perspective of the project which should complement the imagery well enough to tell a story.

ARTIST STATEMENT:
S troke challenged him
T rampled on his dreams
R earranged his relationships
O rganized his days
K idnapped his future
E xtracted hope from despair.

In this catalogue of works, I have explored my Granddad life, particularly focusing on the theme of absence and presence in his life after experiencing two strokes, one in 2006 and another in 2008. My granddad is now eighty years of age and has been affected significantly from the strokes, which resulted in his loss of eye sight, difficulty to walk and he often struggles to perform his daily routine. For this section of my project I have worked with archival images of my Granddad specifically, showing absence by using coloured overlays to remove or block things/people out of the photograph, which were originally there. This is showing things he has lost and displaying things, which are still present.

Evaluation:

For the exhibition which is beginning on Monday 27^th November, I will be presenting images produced for my study into my Granddad so far. If I am honest I don’t feel happy with the work I have produced so far this is because I have not produced any new photographs as of yet, however this could have not been helped as my Granddad lives in Scotland- which restricts my access to him. However, in 2 weeks I am going over to conduct my photoshoots, which have been thoroughly planned in advance. For now, I am happy with most of the photographs produced to fit the theme of loss. I feel they were relatively successful as a collection, however, I am more excited and interested in the new work I will be developing soon for my book as it is more what I wanted my book to be about. My main inspiration for this series of work would be the photographer Liz Steketee, although she doesn’t really manipulate her images digitally covers or removes certain parts of the image, which is a technique I used in the series to show loss. Evaluating the photographs individually has been done in a previous post, to show the meaning, the concept and the subject matter around the group of images.

I photographed the archival images I have of my grandad and the box I keep them in. These will be used as a comparison to what he used to be like, to what he’s like now. These images are extremely important to me as it shows him how I remember him. This was the man that inspired me to do many things and it makes me emotional to compare these to how he is now after his illnesses. I want my personal investigation to be a celebration of his life as well as documenting how the illness has changed his life and the lives of people around him.

Edits on Photoshop:

I edited these images on photoshop, I however decided that I don’t want to go down the root of editing by drawing on top of the photographs with the pen tool on photoshop. The main reason I don’t want to use these images is I don’t feel they suit the theme of my Personal Investigation as it a serious subject to explore, which I feel could be lost in these sort of edits as they could be seen as a type of animation, which is associated with children. I don’t feel this is appropriate with the theme I have taken on. Therefore I will edit these images in more of a mature way, still using shapes to show absents and presence of current things within the photograph. I will show this through shading specific parts of the image using photoshop, which is what I will be focusing on over the course of this month. I will do this subtly.

This image has been edited  in photoshop, only half of the image has been manipulated to show the loss of feeling in one side of his body due to the stroke. He finds it difficult to move this part of his body and this is represented in the photograph by a darken the right side of the body/photograph. Also when you cover one half of the photograph each part looks like a different person to show how he has changed as a person both physically and mentally.

Similarly, I picked a section of the photo to overlay with a black filter, this is over my grandad who has sadly pasted away due to him being an alcoholic for years of his life. The death of my granddad is a sensitive subject to me as for years I had never seen him sober, exactly a month before his death he promised to stop letting alcohol take over his life… but he didn’t. This shows he is gone, I chose the colour black to show he died of something immoral or sinful. I feel hurt and betrayed by him but have learnt to forgive him.

This is a photograph from the 60’s of my granddad and his friends, in this photograph is he 21. The red overlay over half the photo is to show separation between the boys as the two underneath the overlay are not here anymore as they passed away over the last 5 years, which brought a lot of emotional to my granddad as he felt this was a part of his childhood disappearing. He currently still has his brother with him but doesn’t see him due to him too being ill, he also had a stroke, which could link to my granddad as an heredity factor. These 3 photographs were made to be grouped together to show a pattern of loss, shown though overlays.

Again this is showing loss but this time it is showing a loss of sight, my granddad lost his sight as a result of his second stroke. He found this particularly hard as he enjoyed reading in his space time and felt like everything he loved to do, was taken away from him. He now reads the newspaper with a magnifying glass but can not read a book due to the pain he feels if he is straining his eye to much. He only has one working eye as one was removed to see if it would take away the pain… but it didn’t, leaving him with one glass eye and one eye, which is partially blind.

This is a photograph when my granddad was about 19 years of age. The image is of his brother, his dad and my granddad himself (on the viewers right) the middle figure, which has been removed with an overlay, 100 opacity is his father, who they lost at a fairly young age. In this photo he is painted black to show loss but is painted as a silhouette figure to show he is still there but just not present in our world. He is still spoken about by my granddad as he looked up to his father and always says this is why hes the man he is today.

These are my granddad’s childhood friends, most of his friends are now dead, he only has 2 of them who are still alive today. They are both in this picture. The two people, which are covered by a black overlay to make an almost silhouette effect to show the absence of these people in my granddad’s life as they have both sadly passed away. The other two men in the photograph, which are either side of my granddad in the image are still alive, they are both fairly ill themselves so have not seen my granddad in a long time. But are hopefully going to make an appearance for my granddad’s 80th birthday in December. This photograph is to again empathises the absence and presence in my Granddad’s life.

Overall my theme for this selection of work is showing absence and presence and in particular loss. This will be a key theme when working through this project.